Fellow twenty- and thirty-something-year-olds of Hurlingham, let’s all take a second to give ourselves a pat on the back for surviving another wedding season.

If you’re a 2025 nearlywed, trying to pick apart the thousands of mental notes you’ve taken at this summer’s weddings, or an unpractised wedding guest primed to receive an onslaught of invitations for next year, look no further. I’ve put together my top dos and don’ts for couples and their guests to help every wedding day go without a hitch.

1. DON’T check the weather

I’m not proud of the tantrum that unfolded when I broke this rule, three days away from our wedding. Don’t check the weather; don’t mention the weather; don’t trust the weather forecast. And, if you’re a guest, don’t even think about offering rainy day platitudes like ‘The wetter the rope, the tighter the knot’.

2. DON’T go hungry

Brides and grooms – ask your caterer to keep a plate of canapés to one side, so you don’t miss out on the best food of the day. Guests, if you know you’re a hungry person, pack a granola bar. And please, please eat a proper meal before the ceremony starts – no one wants to hear you heckling after too much Champagne on an empty stomach.

3. DON’T go off list

Stop thinking of wedding gift lists as a cop out. If the couple have asked for money for their honeymoon, give them cash. If they’ve made a list, please just buy from the list. There are no extra points for going off-piste, and no marriage was made happier by owning twelve different cheese boards.

4. DON’T make a long speech

A good wedding speech makes you laugh, makes you cry, and is over in 20 minutes or less. A great wedding speech does the same in 15 minutes or less. Don’t tell us about the bride’s primary school sporting achievements – we don’t care. Avoid inside jokes and anecdotes, at all costs.

5. DO allocate wedding day jobs

I promise you will never see a happier groomsman than the one issued with a hi-vis jacket and honoured with the role of Chief Carpark Attendant. On-the-day roles make your wedding party feel important, and the day run smoothly. Some ideas: Handbag Holder, Spotify DJ, Bride Feeder, Dress Bustler (one to practise!), Disposable Camera Manager… you get the picture.

6. DO remember ceremony seats

This is one everyone forgets (we definitely did). Make sure there are two seats at the top of the aisle for the people actually getting married, so they can sit with the congregation during readings and performances, rather than having to awkwardly stand to one side.

7. DO exactly what you want to do

Make an extra speech or don’t make one at all. Wear a suit, or a dress, or three dresses. Wear pink! Make your cockapoo your ring bearer. Go abroad because you just fancy it. Get married at your local pub. Elope. Ask your best friend to be your celebrant. Have a massive wedding. Have a micro wedding. Have both!

Embrace the traditions you like and forget the ones you hate. Brides and grooms: above everything else remember that this is your moment, your day. Throw out the rule book and plan it in a way that’s true to you.

ISSY WARBURTON

If you’re planning your wedding, remember that the Club is taking bookings from July 2025.